Wednesday, May 6, 2009

This pic loooks SO gay!

Being the retard that I am.....oh my God.... where are my hands?!?!?!?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Betty Butterfield.....Mormon by Proxy

Sunday Bloody Sunday....

I haven't written a Sunday Post in quite a while. As I sit here and type, I'm smoking a cigarette, working on an Olde English 40, and have just finished masturbating with just aint Christian!

I missed Mass this morning...I worked a day shift yesterday at a local hospital downtown and I was SO exhausted when I got home. I watched some of the Harry Potter movie on TV, ate and went to bed...all by 9:00. As I was drifting off, the newscasters were whipping up more fear and pandemonium about the Swine Flu. God.....I saw a woman walking around with a surgical mask on out in front of the ambulance bay at Brakenridge Hospital in downtown Austin yesterday.It's so silly....another nurse pointed out to me yesterday that last year alone, the regular flu killed thousands in America alone. You'll have to research the exact figure for yourselves.

Mormons......known some all my life. The most notable Mormon I remember was Elizabeth Jorgenson.......or in the Southern-Slang we spoke, 'Lizbeth Jorgasun. Why are there SO MANY Scandinavian/Germanic Mormons? Anyway, Elizabeth was a friend of mine from elementary school to graduation. I don''t know where she is now. Elizabeth was something of an acquired either loved her, hated her, or experienced something of a mingling of the two emotions at any given moment. I loved her to death...particularly in high school. I'll never forget her in elementary school art class one day, coming off as something akin to the proverbial skunk at the picnic announcing to all of us little ones that shared "the table" with her that our churches weren't real, and that not a one of us was going to Heaven but her......Ah....the zeal of the member of a "new religion."

If what I'm about to say offends any Mormons out there, well...I'm sorry . It's my opinion. What I'm abbot to say is the truth, and you KNOW it in your most secret heart of hearts...Elizabeth, if you're reading this, bear with me girl....Mormonism is a man made, fabricated, false religion....a cult. Modern anthropology blows the Mormon tenet that the American Indians are one of the lost tribes of Isreal completely outta the water. It's just not true. As for the "Golden Tablets" that John Smith was supposedly led to by the Mormon Angel Moroni....where are they? Why weren't they ever seen by anyone?

I'm of the Old Faith.....the original Christianity....the Catholic Church. God knows the Catholic Church gets a bad rap, what with the Inquisition and pedo Priests and all. An interesting fact...the Spanish Inquisition is still in existence, though in a much, much more benign role. Talk amongst yourselves,,,

For me, an individual who has practiced religions ranging from Wicca to Buddhism to Hinduism, the Catholic Church is the ultimate spiritual contains the ritual of witchcraft, the mysticism and meditative practices of Buddhism and the Hindu tradition, and the practicality of Judaism....the whole ball of spiritual wax.

And have so many many of us who title themselves "non-practicing" Catholics. Why? I read not long ago that the large majority of converts to Buddhism were dissatisfied Jews. I think that we have the need to set ourselves go looking elsewhere for the new, the exciting, and the exotic. I certainly know this to be true in my case.

What I'm saying is this: read, explore all the exotic, esoteric and "different" philosophies you's good to be well versed in spiritual matters....and when you're done, take a look at what you come from. Take a better look at the Jewel of faith that you grew up with. When you take that better look, you might not see as many differences as you thought.

Love and Blessings,


Here's a brief clip of my lovely historic church, St. Mary's Cathedral, Austin Texas

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Comforting words.......

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness; for they shall be filled. I will not leave you comfortless:
I will come to you. At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of time.
Jesus the Christ

We can be spacious yet full of loving kindness; full of compassion, yet serene. Live like the strings of a fine instrument....not to taught yet not to loose.

Everyday, monks minutely examine the Dharma and endlessly chant complicated sutras , Before doing that, they should learn how to read the love letters sent by the wind and rain, the snow and moon .

Like two golden birds perched on a tree, the ego and self are united companions. One eats the sweet and sour fruits from the tree, while the other eats nothing. As long as you identify with the ego, you will both joy and sorrow retain,But if you realize that you are the self, the lord of life, you will be free from suffering. You will transcend duality and move to a state of oneness.
Bagavad Gita

If your compassion for all does not include yourself, it is not complete.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


when I'm sad, I become nostalgic...I draw comforting old songs about me. I love this old song, from my most beloved band of all times, the Scottish group Cocteau Twins.

And...another....a beautiful solo by Liz.

Another solo by Liz Fraser...very touching, beautiful, melancholy song...

Another beautiful old love...Kate Bush...

Mná na hÉireann" which translates to "Women of Ireland" from the Irish language....

Kate's beautiful duet with Peter Gabriel, "Don't Give Up."

And the Kate Bush classic.....


MGMT at Stubbs, South by Southwest, 2009

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Las Cruces

I'm visiting my brother in Las Cruces, a beautiful desert city in Southern New Mexico. I lived here years ago...close to 20 years ago I think. I'm currently doing a travel nurse assignment in the area. I'm enjoying visiting here in my home state, however it only reinforces my love of Austin and my Texan took these pics in the backyard this morning. The Organ Mountains are beautiful...stunning. The clouds were boiling and spilling over the mountains. I'll probably be here in New Mexico for at least a month before I get to head back home.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Notes From the Border

I MISS YOU BIG K! Short Bald and Gorgeous, I LOVE YOU!!!!!! I'll be back home in Austin soon.

Monday, February 2, 2009

"and there's also some REAL good recovery in Austin....."

I despise 12 Step platitudes....always have. An old buddy of mine used to repeat them to me now and again just to watch me groan and shudder I think. This Betty bit is new...aty least to me. I hope you relish it as do I....

Oh Lady Bird...where art thou....

LadyBird Johnson....the old girl finally sloughed off this mortal coil and bought the farm in 2007. Now I love Texas, and I love Austin, but a terrible thing happened while I was living back in New Mexico. At some point between the time Lady Bird Johnson went into the light and now, our central lake, AKA the Colorodo River, AKA Lake Austin, AKA Town Lake, has been renamned...embarassingly, Lady Bird Lake. I just groaned when I saw the sign, and I'd been back here quite a while before I noticed.

It's just hokey and corney and really stereotypically Texas. It's just so King of the Hill. I love King of the Hill by the way, and I especially love the K.O.T.H AdultSwim billboard we have on Burnett Rd. Austin's just never really felt like Texas to me. Lubbock is Texas....Amarillo is Texas. I can grasp a Lady Bird Lake in one of those two loo-loo's, but not here in Asustin. I'd have preferred "Lake Leslie" I think. Anyway...who cares about a "mescun's" opinion R.I.P Lady Bird!


Pain, without love,

Pain, I can't get enough.

Pain, I like it rough'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

You're sick of feeling numbYou're not the only one.

I'll take you by the hand,

And I'll show you a world that you can understand.

This life is filled with hurt,

When happiness doesn't work.

Trust me and take my hand,

When the lights go out you'll understand.

Pain, without love,

Pain, I can't get enough.

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Pain, without love.

Pain, I can't get enough.

Pain, I like it rough,

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Anger and agony,

Are better than misery.

Trust me, I've got a plan

When the lights go off you'll understand.

Pain, without love,

Pain, I can't get enough.

Pain, I like it rough',

Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Pain, without love,

Pain, I can't get enough.

Pain, I like it rough,

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing,

Rather feel pain......

I know (I know I know I know I know)That you're wounded.

You know (You know you know you know you know)That I'm here to save you.

You know (You know you know you know you know)I'm always here for youI know (I know I know I know I know)

That you'll thank me later.

Pain, without love,

Pain, can't get enough.

Pain, I like it roughm

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Pain, without love,

Pain, I can't get enough.

Pain, I like it rough,

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all,

Rather feel pain than nothing at all,

Rather feel pain .......

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Tuesday afternoon....Keanu and Coffee

I've had a nice today...went to see "The Day the Earth Stood Still." I was a bit disappointed in it. It was good, but there just seemed something lacking. Keanu, God bless him....I've always loved him because of his physical beauty and been able to overlook his acting...He was really dull and lackluster and lifeless, more so than ever before...and he's aging badly. Makes me sad...we're all getting so old. I was also hoping to see more death and destruction as well.....was envisioning destruction on the "War of the Worlds" scale of mayhem. This was the first movie I'd been to in years....the last movie I went to was here in Austin several years ago. I went to an Alamo Drafthouse in the north. There's one right around the corner from me, but the movie wasn't playing there. I love Alamo. I don't know how widespread these theaters are, but they're great. You can order food and drinks. The movies are really an eclectic mix as well...indie to mainstream. The weather was nice today, so I sat out at Bouldin for a couple hours and played around on the computer, then went to my AA meeting. These are the mundane Days of My Life. I love these days, though. I've got nothing to do the rest of the evening, just going to go crawl in my warm bed and watch tv.....night.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sunday....Hormonally Yours..

Well, it's the first Sunday of the new year. This holiday season has hit me hard. I'm really depressed and homesick, so this is gonna be short. It's funny....this time last year I was sad because I wasn't in TX, and now I'm sad because I'm not in NM. I just miss my mother and sister.

I went to church tonight, then out to Austin Recovery for the alumni meeting. I started balling on the way'm like a menopausal woman these days. I cry at the drop of a hat! What got me was just the warmth and gratitude I felt as I was leaving AR. That place saved my life. It's a really big emotional comfort-zone for me. The meeting was fantastic and wonderful and uplifting. Very occasionally, I see different guys that I used to know. Most of my old recovery friends are gone...either dead or faded into limbo, and that's a sad fact for me, but I'm still here...I'm still alive, which given what I've been through these last 10 years is a monumentous miracle.

That's all I have for tonight....just gratitude to God, to Austin Recovery and places like it that save come the



Betty Butterfield visits the Uniterians

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Memories of Christmas...The Four Great Frustrations!

Wow...almost Christmas again. It really slipped up on me. Here it is almost upon us and over, and I haven't even really enjoyed the buildup. I was downtown tonight and was so happy to see the lights and decorations. They are beautiful. There were horse-drawn carriages giving happy looking families and couples enjoying the warmth of being in love rides down the cold city streets. Austin really puts on a good show at Christmas.

When I was little, every day building up to Christmas was a was Ecstasy! I remember the excitement and euphoria of decorating our Christmas tree and sitting around it as a family nightly to enjoy the lights. My mother would decorate the house with candles and greens. She'd also be making fudge and other goodies, and I can remember the smells. I used to have little Santa dolls and other little brick-a-brack little kids love up on the mantle. And oh yes...hanging the stockings!

Every day was filled with excitement as I held and shook all my wrapped presents, trying to guess what was inside. It would finally come...Christmas Eve. Oh the glory of Christmas Eve! My parents ran he local movie theaters. We'd close up the theater after the first movie and come home. Then the excruciating wait would begin. My sister and her husband and my niece Melissa would already be there, but my brother and his family would be at his wife's parent's house celebrating with them first. This was always frustration #1, waiting for them to get there. When he and his family finally arrived, frustration #2 would begin...eating. We'd have the greatest party foods and drinks. When I was old enough, I got to participate in the joy of the mixed drinks, but when I was little, my mother would always have plenty of tasty things for us kids. My nieces and nephew and I would eat our goodies, then go into the living room to sit around the Christmas tree and once again look over our presents. The wait was excruciating, though not as painful as the frustration looming in the near distance. I can remember gathering all of my gifts together in a pile...sort of like a treasure hoard, keeping them counted and within my sight. When the adults had FINALLY finished eating, then began the most awful frustration of our Christmas frustrations.....frustration #3, taking pictures.

I still hate the endless picture taking that happens during out family holiday gatherings. Maybe it's a hold over from the seemingly never ending ritual we were forced to endure before we could finally open our presents. Every possible combination and grouping of man, woman, child and often times pets was painfully and horribly executed. Then finally...FINALLY! it was over and we got to open our presents! One family member, usually my sister it seems, would be Santa and pass out gifts. The paper would fly! During this euphoric event, the flash bulbs would be going off of course, our parents wanting to capture our happiness.

After the opening of the gifts, things really mellowed out, and we kids would play with our toys and eat more goodies, and talk about Santa Claus. This was the most beloved frustration and the remembrance of it still stirs my heart. Frustration #4...waiting for Santa.

My niece Melissa was only two years younger than I and more like a sister. We would lay in bed for hours, way too excited to sleep. We'd talk and giggle and speculate about Santa...sometimes thinking up schemes to catch him at our fireplace! I'll never forget a time when it seems we both woke up way in the night, and I decided I was going to go and see if Santa'd come yet. I got up out of bed and crept through the hall, through the living room, and into the den. To this day I'll swear this is true-there was Santa, standing at the fireplace with his back to me, busily doing something! He turned around quickly and saw me.....he shook his finger at me! I ran back to my room as fast as my little legs could carry me and FLEW back into bed! I told the story to Melissa, who was of course excied, awe-struck, and a little scared as well. If you really think about it, the presence of a supernatural being in your house at night when you're little is kinda scarey! I can't remember if we were able to get back to sleep.

In the morning, we of course gloried in the glow of Santa's generous, benelovet love. This one particular Christmas experience all came to a grand climax, when my Daddy called all us kids over to the fireplace to show us something he'd discovered in the ash.....a boot print! There in the ashes of our fireplace was Santa's boot print! To a child, this confirmation of our most beloved and sacred belief was comparable to a Christian seeing the appearance of Christ Himself!

Did Santa really appear to me? Did he leave his boot print in the ashes for us to find? Most likely, Daddy and put his boot in the ash himself to thrill us kids. He was, in many ways, a big kid himself and loved seing happy children more than anything. He never said that he was the one, and I really don't recall ever asking. However, as long as I live, I will swear that I truely saw Santa. I've talked about this with my mother over the years. One time she said, "well, maybe you really did see Santa!"

My sweet little mother explained to me the true meaning of Santa and the "spirit" of Christmas.....Love, generosity, compassion. Could the great spirit of love and giving take form and appear to a wonder-filled little boy? I'd like to think so....

I wish all of you around the world who read my humble blog the most joyous, loving, and wonder-filled Christmas ever. May you all find your little "Christmas Miracle!"

Love and Blessings,


Saturday, December 20, 2008

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New pics....





I took these pics last night. The camera I have at the moment is a $10.00 get what ya pay for.
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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Why Are Gay Men So Flakey?

I typed this question into Google today, and couldn't really find a satisfactory answer. I saw many articles on why gay men lie about their age and cock size, why they cheat so much, and a couple of other combinations that just didn't fit the bill. I wanted to know, specifically, why gay men seem more apt to be inconsistant, unreliable, undependable, and seemingly unable to commit to a relationship, though they may represent themselves as indeed seeking "something more" than a quick "quickie" or as they say on Gay.Com, a hookup. In other words, why are gay men such assholes?

I"ve been pondering this question for twenty-something years. I have to admit, that in my much younger days I would have qualfied as a flake, an enormous flake as a matter of fact. But I grew up.

Why does this ability to grow up seem to ellude my kind?

I read a pseudo-biographical novel many years ago entitled The Beautiful Room is Empty, by Edmund White. In the book, he coined a catchy phrase I've never forgotten: "embalmed adolescence." This phrase really struck a chord with me. I saw myself and 90 some odd percent of my gay acquaintances and former lovers described to a tee.


The answer, as I said, eludes me. As a gay male adult in the dating scene and wanting to settle down, I'm unfortunately faced with this behavior in others, particularly in guys whom I know, and would like to know even better. I'm a "realist," though. Although I insist on seeing the good in my fellow man, in trusting again and again, I can't help but feel constant disappointment. If there are ANY gay men out there who read this, and can show to me some evidence that they truly are trustworthy, consistent, true to their word and mean what they say, I'll gladly retract this article and eat my words. Until then, however, I'm forced to remain a reluctant realist.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Human idiocey never ceases to amaze me....

Wal-Mart Worker Trampled to Death by Stampeding Shoppers
Wal-Mart Worker Dies after Shoppers Knock Him Down
Friday, November 28, 2008
By Colleen Long, Associated Press

Wal-Mart store (AP Photo)(New York) - A worker was killed in the crush Friday after a throng of shoppers eager for post-Thanksgiving bargains burst through the doors at a suburban Wal-Mart, authorities said.

At least four other people were injured, and the store in Valley Stream on Long Island was closed.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. in Bentonville, Ark., called the incident a "tragic situation" and said the employee came from a temporary agency and was doing maintenance work at the store.

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. ... I literally had to fight people off my back."

Nassau County police said the 34-year-old worker was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead at about 6 a.m. The man's name was not released and the cause of death was not immediately known.

A police statement said shortly after the store's 5 a.m. opening time, shoppers "physically broke down the doors, knocking (the worker) to the ground."

A metal portion of the door was crumpled like an accordion.

Shoppers around the country lined up early outside stores in the annual bargain hunting ritual known as Black Friday. Many stores open early and stay open late, and some of the most dramatic bargains are available in limited quantities.

Among the bargains offered by Wal-Mart for Friday were Samsung 50-inch high definition Plasma TVs for less than $800.

Witnesses told the Daily News that before the store was closed, eager shoppers streamed past emergency crews as they worked furiously to save the worker's life.

"They were working on him, but you could see he was dead," said Halcyon Alexander, 29. "People were still coming through."

A 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital for observation, and she and the unborn baby were both reported to be OK, said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a Nassau County police spokesman. Four or five other people suffered minor injuries, he said.

Ellen Davis, a spokeswoman at National Retail Federation, said the group knew of no other incident where a retail employee has died working on the day after Thanksgiving.

Wal-Mart is working closely with police, company spokesman Dan Fogleman said.

"The safety and security of our customers and associates is our top priority," Fogleman said. "Our thoughts and prayers are with them and their families at this difficult time."

(Copyright 2008 Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.

This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard! I've always said that the post Thanksgiving Day sale was the most ridiculous, inane exercise in stupidity that the American people have ever been duped into participating in! This custom is nothing but a market/media created circus to kick off the commercial orgy of a religious holiday with a sickening bang. I used to see news vids of lines upon lines of foolish ignoramuses standing out in freezing weather all night just so they could get into a store save, oh what....maybe a couple of bucks? We all know that "specials" and "discounts" really amount to nothing at all. It's just a marketing tool to reel the sheep in. So....there are going to be families celebrating Christ's birth this year without someone they loved. Merry fuckin' Christmas.....

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Tuesday, December 2, 2008


Wow...time has really flown by. I've been to busy to sit down and write. My new job is going well. I'm still orienting with another nurse, and I'm really getting ready to be done with orientation and get out on my own. I work with some really nice people. There is a large number of African nurses where I work. I noticed this a couple of years ago when I was living and working here. There was a great influx of Filipino nurses for several years, and then the Africans started coming in. They're a really wonderful people...very hardworking, honest, and faith-filled people. They are always smiling and laughing.

I missed the Rosie O'Donnell variety show....I had to work that night. I don't really know how it went, but I'm sure it was a travesty.

Thanksgiving was really nice. We had dinner in the afternoon, and then when I went to work that night, we had dinner again. The African girls brought some of their native foods, and we also had turkey, of course. Eating the African fod was a realy great experience. The flavors were intense and completely different....nothing like I'd tasted before.

I've been spending quite a bit of time with my friend and roommate Brian. He's a great guy...funny, entertaining, and a caring friend. I had a date the other night...the first one in a LONG time. It was very nice....I'm afraid to say much about him for fear of jinxing the whole thing. Well, it's almost 6:00 am and I'm really starting to get sleepy. On my nights off, I pretty much just stay up all night and sleep during the day to keep my body in synch. That's all I have to report on my life at the moment.....I'm feeling very blessed.

Monday, December 1, 2008

New favorite band....

MGMT...fab band

Sunday, November 23, 2008

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